dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
