do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
