she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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