I hate all girls vehemently.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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