me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
