I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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