Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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