My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
