Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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