y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
