Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
