I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
