I can't breathe out the right side of my face
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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