I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
