see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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