When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
