last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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