i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
