Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
