i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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