i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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