It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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