I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize