dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My hand turned me down
vagina is talking i cant
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Randomize
