I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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