Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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