So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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