I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
