Cold hands, warm shart.
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
