i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
