Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize