you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
