I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
