Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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