I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
