Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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