Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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