I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
