i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
