what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She even gives head with a lisp.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
