I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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