so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
