Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
