I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
