planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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