I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
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