I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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