Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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