I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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