I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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