i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
