I would go down on you faster than GM stock
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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