everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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