on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Randomize
