she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he shaved USA in his pubs
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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