i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
