I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
