Say something about gay babies.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
