Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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