I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
