so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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