I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
