Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
