if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
