I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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