i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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