She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize